OFFENSIVE JOKES COMPETITION!!!!

Also check out Offensive Jokes Competition 2!

RULES:
1. You must use proper, spelling, punctuation, and grammar. If
not, someone will edit the joke for you, but...save us the trouble!
2. The jokes must be offensive. As offensive as possible.
3. Lengthy jokes should be edited so that they are to the point.
4. Jokes must be on the page, not the comments. Jokes found in the comments shall be put up here with your name on it.

*shoots off a gun*

Let the jokes begin!

---

COMPETITORS:
[Wendy]
[James Von Fugger, King of the Zombies!]
[The Waco Kid]
[CrouchingPanda]

---

JOKES by [Wendy]:

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Two blind lesbians in a fish market!

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Father's Day in Harlem!

Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So that you can watch its expression!

Q: What do you say to a woman with a black eye?
A: "Bitch!? Don't make me tell you again!"

Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing! She's already been told twice!

Q: Why did the gay guy get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He was always drinking on the job.

Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

A blonde goes to the doctor and the doctor asks what's wrong. The blonde pulls up her shirt a bit revealing a very swollen, bruised, and bloodied belly button. The doctor is horrified. "What happened!?", he asks her. The blonde looks down sadly and replies, "Well...My boyfriend is blond, too..."

---

JOKES by [James Von Fugger, King of the Zombies!]:

Q: How are businessmen and queers similar?
A: They're both trying to fuck you over.

Q: What's the difference between a Spic and a Nigger?
A: The Government pretends to feel sorry for Niggers.

Q: How come there has never been a Spic on Star Trek?
A: They dont work in the future either

Q: Why did Germany lose the war?
A: The beer ran out.

Q: How come the french always lose wars?
A: They bend over and take it up the ass.

Q: Why does a rancher fuck a sheep on a ledge?
A: It's so the sheep will push back.

I just bought a french World War two rifle, never fired, only dropped once.

---

JOKES by [The Waco Kid]:

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. Because they don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. Why do Canadians only have sex doggie style?
A. So they can both watch the hockey game.

Q. Why was Jesus Christ not born in Mexico?
A. Because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Q: How did the studious Mexican girl wind up pregnant?
A: Her teacher told her to do an essay (ese).

Q: How do you know you're at a gay bbq?
A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

Q: What do you call a ship full of fags?
A: The navy!

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other?
A: How are we ever gonna find an egg in all this shit?

---

Jokes by [CrouchingPanda]
Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a nigger's head?
A: Round about the seventh frame the nigger's head starts going mushy.

Q: How do you stop a black kid jumping on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.

Q: Why should you never fuck a retarded midget?
A: Because it's not big and it's not clever.

Q: Why did Australia get gays while America got rednecks?
A: Australia had first choice.

A black man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The barmen is amazed and says "Wow, nice chimp, does it do tricks?"
"Well he can steal a hubcap off a moving car, but apart from that it's pretty fucking useless." replies the monkey.

Two black ladies talk over coffee.
"You'll never guess what happened to me yesterday." says the first.
"Why, what happened?" asks the other.
"Well, I was walking past the zoo on my way home from work when all of a sudden I see this huge escaped gorilla coming at me! He grabbed me and fucked me over and over again before he ran off down the street!"
"Oh my god, does it hurt?" ask the second woman.
"Does it hurt? Does it hurt!? He don't write, he don't call..."

---

Go to Offensive Jokes Competition 2?