12-15-04 (later that night)
not to worry. my sins have not gone unpunished. ive been marked. he made me do. well, maybe not made me. i came willingly this time. i ve only marked the surface of my palm,to signify where i ve placed my feelings, on the surface. but i cant tell if this is really me. god how i ve fucked my life up. the angels too. sometimes i wonder if would ve been better off without my dark influences. i hate me so bad. sometimes i wonder what i deserve. life maybe? not likely. sometimes i kill myself in my head everyones there, watching me but they dont know. huh, it makes laugh on the inside, yet for some reason it hurts..........

12-15-04
I am ____. i feel too too much. ifeel hate. but towards myself not others. i took an angel and changed her life. i brought her to hell, with me. but it wasnt always this way. i lived in heaven for a time. ive sinned tho. ive been condemned. and no im not a retard, i know how to type, but my feelings and thoughts run to fast for my fingers. no time for formality, right? anyways. i know how to be myself , and maybe be welcomed back,to that once blissful place where i lived. content yet i still fucked it up. i can be this person deserving of my angel but i have a demon in my head. he makes me hurt people. i dont want to but he makes me think i do. i think i need meds. ill know soon enough.  he hurts me. my arms. my hands. i wear one glove. black. it covers my pain. and the marks left by him. oh how i still love that one angel..................

i fell so far down, ill never be up,
while drinking of the devils cup,
and drink i did for it was fine,
tho' i shall pay in due time,