*Sighs* Another day of boredom and lonesome.Yep,thats it. I will admit i had a fun day n all.I guess thats a good thing,haha,yeah.But when it comes to dealing with friends on HERE,forget it,it seems like their there one moment,then they never come back.I end up with so many relations and yet they fail to keep in contact with me. Why is it that ppl do that? I mean once you make a relations,it's like a commitment with the person that your willing to actually talk to them and not ignore them. Its not like i don't have friends in real life,but i mean come on,why make a relations if you won't talk to me. I hate being the only one who actually thinks to talk to ppl on my relations,and they act like they don't see me online.thats a load of BS. I just wish people would notice me sometimes.I like being able to know i have friends who actually care.
However, i will be ending relations soon.

Sometimes i wish that i could disappear and still find some way of being happy.Everytime i find someone that i think i have a chance of being happy with,seems like they just go away and don't come back. As a girl who lives alone in another country, you'd think she'd be able to find least one person,but nope.I mean even though i'm with someone now, i feel like we never have enough time together. Besides that,most guys want me for sex and sometimes i dont feel that guys even know how much they hurt me when it happens,but they do. I want to say i'll get over it,but why lie about it,it'll keep hunting me for time and time again.
I think just being single for a long ass time will help me realize that the only thing to make me happy is... well...me. I'm done with relationships for quite some time,until i can fully figure out what i'm getting myself into before i jump in.
The person i do want,well, i dont know,its just a crush i guess.

this is what[The Godfather] and i do everynight.

i'm in love!

haha yeah, i like um drank 2 vodka ounce things. err,,,3 i forgots some bacariidi..uh 2 more mudslides and i hink my cook is kind of not wanting to give me anuremore. uhh..

how can you truly trust someone?
how do you know if whats going on is real, so that you won't get hurt,but then you want to put your heart into it?

things are so hard to understand and believe,but i think i can manage.

well so far,i've been enjoying my boyfriend,but he's busy for the while,so i've been kind of depressed w/o him.Never felt this way with any guy else and yeah he is everything.But,i am in need of satisfaction and lol,um yeah,so i'm going to be going on tour for 2 weeks,starting december 1st until the 14th,but i will have my laptop with me.
I love you all *especially you chris*


feels like i need to say sorry to this person,for being what i was to them,but then i dont know if it's because i'm lonely or i'm actually feelin that way. i just don't know.

insatiable: always wanting more: always needing more and impossible to satisfy

always wanting more: always needing more and impossible to satisfy

[this song is what i feel when i'm in love]

You And Me" by lifehouse

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Okay,so this is my 1st entry like ever. Um,well i'm just going to talk out of my mind and say things,it might be random but i can't put in order the things that are on my mind.
my sister is pregnant and is due later this month, i think on the 29th,lol,oh well. her husband however,kind of doesn't get the point that i'm not "into" him,he's fuckin married,eww,and to my sister? hello? dude your married now,and with a baby,wake up! i'm not your mistress.
also, i've been going on dates n stuff with my friends,well only 3 of them. trying to see what i want,and yes i've had sex with all 3,but my point is that,i only like one of them and thats the dude named nathyniel. i just call him "nat". um so anyways, he's kind of awesome and i really like him,but knowing me i like to be single. i dont want to be tied down,but its between Nat and my Ex,dustin [chevyman],yes you baby. [the thing is that,he broke up with me because he wanted to see if i actually loved him,i dont know if anyone else agree's,but um what the fuck,dude? you gotta break up with someone just to see if their "in-love" with you? um,no i'll never understand that]. i don't have a heart to waste of dumping me and shit.but on the other hand,he's an awesome guy,i just don't want to trust it for a while.

AND THATS MY RANT FOR TODAY.bye kids.