Introduction

Emily Louise Morris was born In London, raised up to live in a city full of drugs, violence and rape. Her Parents kind, loving people who made sure she was kept safe. They kissed her before she went to bed at night and helped her study if she needed it but they where very protective due to living in London. Emily's mother, Julie was forever spying on Emily, making sure she wasn't doing anything she shouldn't. When Emily would ask her mum "You dont trust me do you?" And her mum would reply "No dear, I trust you, I just dont trust London." Emily brother, Lee who was 19-years-old had already been through alot while living in London, he had gotten into many fights, tried drugs and he now smoked. Emilys parents still loved him and made sure he cleaned his room and did his studying but you could tell in there eyes how ashamed they where of him. Maybe thats why they where so over protective with Emily. Emily hated it though, her parents always creeping around and looking over her shoulder when she went on her computer. Emily felt sometimes that she would explode and turn around and snap at them, but most of the time she bit her tounge. Emily had dark brown hair, that was dyed, she used to be a light fair brown and her hair used to even look blonde. Emily had hated that, she had green eyes that always looked childish and playfull. Her 15-year-old mind was always alive and ready for anything that life might bring her . Emily had just recently started an addiction for a chatroom on the internet, called Elfpack, she met nice kind people and she liked helping people on there, making them happy and roleplaying. When she logged in, it felt like to her that she was leaving reality.


Chapter 1

Emily looked around her navy bedroom, she was sat on her bed, her laptop on her lap, she smiled to herself and a familiar person came on Richard Brown otherwise known as Dicky. The minute he had signed on Emily was sent a message on MSN saying "Hi!!" She chuckled softly and replied a "hello". "Emily!" Shouted her mum from down the stairs "Yea?" She replied. "Im going up the shops, dont go out!" She said the "dont" bit firmly. Emily rolled her eyes "ok!" She shouted, looking back at the laptop screen, she talked to Dicky for half an hour, laughing and watching his every move on webcam. When she heard her dad come in the door, she sighed and told Dicky she had to go, he did a sad face and then said "bye!" Emily signed out, turning her laptop off, she collapsed on her bed. Only if....Dicky was here... We could be together...for real... She thought sadly to herself.

moving on...looking forward...not over my shoulder..

Dear Diary//...

I have new found feelings, I buried them deep inside of me, hoping to lock them away to be with someone who could really be there. But in the end when he returned I realised I could never forget that they where there. I know he isan't here and he isant really because he cant touch me and his lips I cant feel. I am dreaming, I must be because these feelings I know, he really doesnt have them for me, I feel so much love and a burning desire...
Why cant life be easy and why cant I forget?
Now I have made someone sad and alone, the person who has always been there when no one else was, he kept me smiling and kept me warm and safe and now I have left him maybe for good, I must be so selfish. Yeah thats me the cold hearted bitch. I am the bad one here because I let someone down I told him the three special words and that we would be together forever and I lied to him and I let him down. Im such fool. I am torn between my heart and my head. What would Jesus have said? (XD) I look at the one I gave it all up for, I know he is suffering and his mind is filled with pain, his eyes tell the stories and his life is no game. So when he tells me he loves me, is it really true or am I being the fool I always am. I have let so many boys hurt me not one of them properlly understands. I have Max, Tyler, Luke and Steph and there all I need. They are the ones who can save me. But Ill try my best to open up to him and to catch him when he falls but what I know now is I dont know anything at all. My friends around me, hugging me and telling me "you'll be ok" or "Im here" but they dont understand either. FOR FUCK SAKE HOW CAN I LOVE SOMEONE WHO ISANT HERE WITH ME?!?!?! I am so lost and confused! whats wrong with me?! These boys dont they see, what they fucking do to me!! I will cry and I scream but I still mean "I love you" when I say it because I know I would never lie because I dont think like that, everyone is wonderfull and amazing. In my eyes...I have to live for the people who have made an effort to keep me happy and I have to smile. I havent got it that bad, My parents are nice, they hug me and kiss me goodnight, they help me study and my friends are real sweet and they always keep me going. Love is a poison and cant be cured everyone falls in love in life, they dont know it but they do. So here is some advice for you, give in, trust your heart, even though some boys might tear you apart, they arnt all the same, some are special, they may hurt you sometimes but give them a chance...just keep your friends close by...


Love Kai xx

When I First Looked At You, I Saw Hope, You Held Out Your Hand And Asked For Mine, I Beleived In Your Hands, I Beleived In You...

I Knew I Could Rely On You Because You Where For Me, My Soulmate, You And I Are So Simply Ment To Be.
I Closed My Eyes At Night Thinking Of You. The Pain Came Over Me As Your Face, Your Eyes Crossed My Mind. I Tossed And Turned Hoping For An Answer, Begging My Head And Heart To Work Together. And So Here We Are, That's Pretty Far...

Our Time Has Ended, My Feelings For You Touched The Sky, Now Your Sad And I Think I Must Be Mad. But Your Still My Best Friend Because Your Special And Unique, You And I Friends We Will Always Be.

- For Gary! Random!

Put This on Ya House Peeps!
Big Thanks to [Wild Zubat Appeared] <3<3<3

I read In a chat magazine, That this girl ^ commit suicide last week, It's really sad... R.I.P ='(

;_; I want it...

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Rock on dudes! LOL XP

Jake, Your mood better be a lie... You better not shoot yourself, I can't live without you... I'm worried out of my mind here... -.-

AWWWWWW!!!!

I feel alone, I don't know why, I have many loving friends, but I wonder, do they understand me, like they think they do...? -.-

Love... What love?