happy happy joy joy im ur kinky sex toy, beat me, bite me, make me bleed, kinky sex is all i need
The Fight of Roy and Envy!!
Roy was poised ready to snap his fingers and send flames to engulf his opponent, the ever shifting homunculus Envy, who was preparing for a dodge, followed by jump kicking the over confident colonel. Ed, who was just observing, rolled his eyes at the scene. They'd been fighting pointlessly for the last hour...both sending insults back and forth like preschoolers with knowledge of colorful words.
"Would you both cut it out?" Ed finally interupted.
"NO! I'M NOT DONE YET! I WILL BEAT HER!" Roy hollered back.
"You're going to lose! So just give up." Envy smirked.
"Oh really?"
"Yes...really.
"How's that?"
"Because I haven't used my secret weapon yet." Envy's grin spread wider.
"And what would that be?" Roy inquired.
"I'm a guy, not a chick."
Roy passed out from shock. Envy jumped up and down happily, having won. And Ed...well...Ed decided he was disowning Roy as his colonel and Envy as his enemy.
Morning Schedule of Colonel Roy Mustang
6:00 a.m.: Roll over as alarm goes off.
6:09 a.m.: Smash snooze button on alarm clock.
6:18 a.m.: Throw alarm clock across room.
6:27 a.m.: Get out of bed to retrieve alarm clock, while hitting the snooze button again.
6:36 a.m.: Get out of bed, put on ignition gloves, torch alarm clock, and go back to sleep.
6:40 a.m.: Back to sleep.
6:50 a.m.: Wake up again and see that there is only ten minutes to get ready...Then crawl back into bed to sleep for five more minutes.
6:55 a.m.: Wake up, throw on clothes, straighten out hair, and run out door for work.
6:59 a.m.: Run back in and put pants on, THEN run to work.
7:05 a.m.: Get shot at by grumpy first lieutenant for being late.
Moral of the story: Well...there isn't one...but it sure as hell is funny to watch the Colonel dodge bullets.
Roy's afternoon schedule
12:00 p.m.: Stare at stack of paperwork.
12:10 p.m.: Curse at stack of paperwork.
12:20 p.m.: Decide not to do paperwork until later, when it was due ten minutes ago.
12:30 p.m.: Got shot at by first Lieutenant and get black mailed into doing paperwork.
12:35 p.m.: Hide in the bathroom in order to get out of doing paperwork.
12:40 p.m.: Get pulled out of bathroom by Lieutenant.
12:45 p.m.: Run back into to retrieve pants.
12:50 p.m.: Bang head on desk repeatedly until head goes numb.
12:55 p.m.: Swear to self that the paper work just moved on its own.
1:00 p.m.: Realize level of sanity is decreasing.
1:10 p.m.: Hire someone to forge signature, and run away...very fast...
Moral of the story: Claiming a phobia of paper work would have been much easier...But then again, it's funny to watch Roy go nuts!
Roy's evening schedule
7:00 p.m.: Enters house upon surviving another day of work.
7:10 p.m.: Sits down to relax.
7:11 p.m.: Realizes food is needed.
7:15 p.m.: Pulls out things to cook dinner.
7:20 p.m.: Realizes that both he AND his kitchen are on fire.
7:25 p.m.: Stop. Drop. Roll.
7:45 p.m.: Emerges from charred kitchen and decides food isn't THAT necessary.
8:00 p.m.: Goes to take a shower.
8:10 p.m.: Gets out of shower, takes pants off, then gets back in.
8:20 p.m.: Curses at Ed for replacing shampoo with glue.
8:30 p.m.: Puts clothes on, making a mental note to remember when and when NOT to wear pants...
8:40 p.m.: Answers ringing phone.
8:45 p.m.: Calmly sets phone on table and walks away as Hughes continues to talk.
9:00 p.m.: Goes to sleep.
10:00 p.m.: Rolls over.
11:20 p.m.: Mumbles incoherently about a toaster or something or other.
1:35 a.m.: Gets out of bed, picks up phone, says good bye to Hughes, and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the Story: Well...Nothing
Should have listened to mother
"Colonel?"
"Mmmm...yeah?" Roy answered as he lifted his head off of his desk, with a piece of paper clinging firmly to his face from where he'd drooled all over it.
"Your paperwork is due in a few hours." A concerned Riza mentioned as she resisted the impulsing urge to roll her eyes at the immaturity level of her superior officer.
"I know..." Roy put his head back on the desk, in a way that sounded more like a bang. "But I just doin't want toooo...! I didn't join the military to sign my name 627 times!"
"627?"
"I'm just guess numbers here okay! Fine fine I'll get on it...Damn...St
"You know Colonel, if you'd do your paperwork when you fist got it, then you wouldn't have to worry about having to hurry to get it done to meet your deadline." Riza commented, in a very intellegent, and particularly Riza-like way.
"You just don't understand! These papers are AGAINST ME! YOu didn't see the way they tried to DESTROY me that one time! They're still angry that I didn't die!"
"Did your mother ever mention to you a job that you would be better suited for? Most mothers like to tell their children what they should take up as a career, they're usually right you know. My mother told me I should have been a doctor...I'm starting to think I should have listened to mother..."
"Well...My mother told me I should suffocate myself in a bodybag, then take myself down to a lake and throw myself in it...Then drown myself again...You know...Maybe I should have listened to mom...Then I wouldn't have to worry about paperwork..."
"...Okay...I'm sorry I said anything
(In the last story, Al has his body back and he's in the military as a Lt. Colonel)
You Mean Bastard & Payback is a Bitch with a Bold Capital B and Blond Hair to go with it
"Ed, Ed are you okay?" Al said shaking Ed slightly to wake him out of his fitful dream.
"GAH!" Ed clung to Al as he snapped back to reality. "It was awful!"
"What happened?"
"I had a dream that Winry had a knife and she came up to me and said she wanted my ARM BACK! So she could do freaky experiments on MEEE!"
"OH Ed it's okay, I don't think she would really do that, now go back to sleep." Al soothed.
"Okay..." Ed laid back and rolled over on his side, promptly falling asleep.
Ed turned and opened his eyes slowly, realizing that it was already morning. He sat up and notcied that Al was already gone. He grumbled and got up, shuffling out of the bedroom lazily.
He rubbed his eyes as he saw Winry standing in the kitchen.
"Hi Ed!" She smiled.
"Uh...Hi Winry, what are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd visit you! You to to say hello and..."
"And?"
"I NEED YOUR ARM BACK ED!" She cackled wickedly pulling out a knife.
Ed screamed bloody murder and flew out the door as fast as his short legs would allow him to go.
Al stood up from behind the counter and busted out into a hysterical fit of laughter. "Here, go by that..um...thi
"YAY! Tell Ed I mean him no harm!" She ran out happily.
"Oh man..." He shook his head as Ed wandered back inside with this 'eat shit and die' look on his face. "That was golden Ed!"
"You mean bastard...I hope you drown in a bathtub!" Ed stomped back into their bedroom. 'This means WAR!' He thought to himself.
The next day Al walked, or should we say, dragged himself into his office. He planned on spending at the very least the next four days in that very spot behind his desk. There was NO way he was going home...Not after what Ed did...Oh yes he'd gotten his amusment out of Ed's dream with Winry and the knife, but Ed did quite the number in return.
For instance, Al's eyes STILL burned from the effect of the hot sauce, that Ed had replaced his shampoo with. Yes that was a very RUDE awakening. Not to mention ended with him rolling his face all over the carpet...Naked no less...Oh yes but it DOES get better. That's right Ed borrowed Hughes camera so that he could relive the moment any time he wanted!
Al had quietly crawled back into the bathroom, where he stayed for the rest of the night and most of the morning, crying over the massive wound to his ego.
That is until Ed gently coaxed him out of the bathroom and into the second stage of hell, as Al found himself referring it to.
Yes, Ed was quite conniving when he wanted to be. Put it this way, Al would NEVER look at breakfast in the same light again...Especi
And then Al when off to brush his teeth, which Ed seemed quite prepared for, seeing as how he replaced the toothpaste with mayonaise. Needless to say Al had to run his tongue all over the carpet to make it go away. Yet another opportunity for Ed to capture the moment.
Al then proceeded to lock himself in a closet. Ed was also prepared for this as he left momentarily. He did return though, with a certain person of which, getting people out of closets was a long standing family trait that ran for generations. Yes, that's right, poor Al was subjected to Armstrong's over whelming need to prove his abilities.
Al bolted. He ran straight for the window and treathened to jump if any one came close to him. Of course, in Al's temporary insanity, he forgot that their dorm room window was only three feet off the ground...
Ed practically cackled as Al fell out the window and landed over a bucket of still water, nearly breaking his back AND soaking himself at the same time, not to mention freezing his ass off as it was only 30 degrees out side.
Now was the time he decided to, puting it in his words, run for his fucking life. Oh yes, he high tailed it, not caring that he only had one shoe, no shirt and his pants were barely hanging on. He NEEDED to get away! He ran into his office and shut the door. He didn't turn the light on for fear of giving himself away.
And so he sat at his desk quietly...Real
So they say.
stole this off of sum1 page..it is funny as hell
Disinterpretat
Time itself cannot be bent
Nor for love can tears be lent
But Love can always lend its heart
Though hearts are often torn apart
Broken; bound in disarray
Love becomes a game to play
Into our minds, the nightmares creep
Ending any placid sleep
To wake to screams and bloodshot eyes
Hearing nightime's whispered lies
And cries for help become undone
While staring at the setting sun
Tearing scars within our souls
Watching embers burn to coals
Life seems to be an endless chore
But you, my love, I do adore
Now close your eyes and rest your head
Forget the pain and tears you've shed
Dream of clouds and skies of blue
When morning shines, I'll come to you
--------------
Commemorating Love
The shriveled petals of a dying rose
Are the remnants of our embrace
The thorn pricks slightly at my skin
As your eyes reflect my haunting memories
You left me here, broken and unsorted
It was you that cut me down
You used your heart as a soft poison
How could you leave me like this?
The melody our hearts once sang
Has become the chorus to our fall
Life becomes defined in black and white
I've fallen too many times to fall again for you
I've shattered like glass in a fire for love
I've bled my tears of sorrow in mirrored grace
I denounce this feeling; I'm enslaved by it
Forgive me. I've failed you. I've failed me.
No drug will kill the pain of those fateful words
No angel will free me from this agony
Nothing will erase the echoing words of this travesty
The words you used to say "farewell"
some of my friends poems that i LOVE
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
LMAO!!
welcome to the nightmare i call life
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence..Nat
Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.
I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one..
Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Hang up and drive!!
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to America
...now speak English
"Everything around me fades to black
My life slowly slips away
As my heart stops beating and
I lose grip of my sword,
my vision blurrs and
I become a true shadow"
santa goes down this chimneya nd there awaits a girl in a robe
she says " oh santa please wont u stay "
he says ho ho ho gotta go gotta go gotta deliver toys to children u know
that she takes the robe off and she only has a bra and panties on
she says again ..oh santa please wont u stay
and he says hohoho ogtta go gotta go gotta deliver toys to chldren u know
she takes off bra and panties and again says
oh santa please wont u stay
then he says
hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay cant go up the chimney with my pecker this way ...
lmao
..i love jadiahs new poem..*below..
Whisper in the courtyard and turn the trees all into toys
Lay there on the ground, and turn the dirt into your joy
From what I see and what I know, it's all been boring lately
So I suggest we trade a question mark in for a maybe
Time your riddles right, and make a point that has no sense
Make sure that you're smiling, and your money's been well spent
Innocence and ignorance, it all goes hand in hand
I'm not sure that I'm right, but I hope you understand
I hope that you're still searching for the start that has no end
And all the plastic people have now become your friends
Before you start to drift and your soul begins to scream
I just wanted to tell you that you're listening to my dream
jadiah s new poem
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
LMAO!!
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
lmao
•¤**¤••¤**¤••¤
(`•.•´¨)*A gIrL iS MuCh MoRe
(`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨)*ThAn ShE SeEmS
(`•.¸.•´)*NoT A ToY By AnY MeAnS
(¨`•.•´¨)*UnDeRNeAtH tHe MaKe-Up N' hAiR
(`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨)*ThErE iS a SiGn SaYiN'
(`•.¸.•´)*'HaNdle WiTh CaRe
•¤**¤••¤**¤••¤
*:.)•°¹¤¯¶xº~¤~ºx¶
(.:*( ••°It ToOk Me By°•• )*:.)
)*:.) •CoMPlEtE SuPrIsE• (.:*(
(.:*( •×WhEn My HeaRtו )*:.)
)*:.)•ºGoT LoSt In hisº• (.:*(
(.:*(ºº•°••°•EyEz•°
)*:.) HeS NoT aLl I WaS (.:*(
(.:*( ••LoOkIn' FoR•• )*:.)
)*:.)BuT HeS AlL i WaNt (.:*(
(.:*(°AnD So MuCh MoRe°)*:.)
)*:.)•°¹¤¯¶xº~¤~º¢X
stoners live and stoners die,
but in the end we all get high,
si if at first you dont sucseed,
fuck the word and smoke some weed
i havent put much stuff i found in lately..hehe
*touch me, tease me, kiss me, please me*
...A promise is a promise...
..at least thats what they say..
...Well welcome to reality...
..there broken everyday..
[(*`·.·́*)]Be Sure Its True When YOU
[`·.*.·́]Say I Love YOU[(*`·.·́*)]
Millons Of Hearts [`·.*.·́ ]
Have Been [(*`·.·́*)]Broken
Just Because[·.*.·́] These Words
Were Spoken.
♥ There's no one in the world
I'd rather spend time with than you,
no one whose smile
touches my heart like yours,
no one who can make me feel good
just by being with me.
There's no one in the world
I could ever love as much
as I love you.♥
"You And Me"
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
good song
I know it seems like we're never coming back
i know it feels like we're never coming back
you tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
these were the words that she placed on her casket
[Saying goodbye this time, the same old story
Seeing you cry it makes me feel like saying sorry]
i just wanted you to know
i think about you every night
when i fall asleep
you are in my dreams
and just like in a movie
the one you want to see
with a happy ending
[And all I had was the memory of what was
so lets pretend it never mattered to us
I hope this message finds you well
I never thought I'd live to tell
what's a dream and what is real, the way I really feel]
And I can't make it on my own.
Because my heart is in Ohio.
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.
[I never said
This would be easy
I let her go when she said she was leaving
So whisper softly
And don't forget
To tell me how you feel in 5 words or less]
Close the door, lock it tight
They don't know your safe tonight
Turn on a song that means the most
Believe im there and hold me close
[You are such a light sleeper
Count to ten and you're already up
We fall, we're in deeper
The nights gone as we open up our eyes]
Oh, well imagine; as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding!", "What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
they
they betray
I'm your only true friend now
they
they'll betray
I'm forever there
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true
you
you're my mask
you're my cover, my shelter
you
you're my mask
you're the one who's blamed
do
do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do
do my deeds
for you're the one who's shamed
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true
I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true
hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
pay
pay the price
pay, for nothing's fair
hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
hey
I'm your life
and I no longer care
I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true
I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you
sad but true
*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
;refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
omg!! thats completally ....wrong!! lol
[Walking in my nighty; rubbing my eyes
My fathers sitting on the sofa with his friend
He pats the seat in the middle; i sit
Shivering so cold; a quilt he lends
"Jessy you love me dont you" a smile; his
Their breathe spirts weep
"Daddy you know i do; what is it?"
He smiles at his friend; his hand creeps
His friend takes my hand; looks me in the eyes
Daddys creeping up my nightie; cold hands
I try to pull his hand away; grip is strong!
They look at one another; nod; something planned
I feel my palms sweat; Daddys under my knickers
"Daddy im going to bed! Night" Pulling again
But there grip is to strong for weak me
I look at both; and ask, who are these men?
His fingers going up me; pulling away
His friend leans forward; a kiss? Why?
His toungue moving mine; my eyes squint
Lean back and away; "Why are you doing this?"
No answer, i feel the pain inside me; him
Chucks the quilt on the floor; me to
I try and scamper away, but im not fast
"O Daddy please, i love you"
His friend; pulling at my nightie
And my Dad pulling my pants down
His friend pinning my hands to the floor
As my Dad lies himself on the ground
I squirm; as Daddy friend pulls me up
And places me ontop of Daddy; thrusts within
I cry; i bite; i scratch; i slap; i fail
"O Daddy please you win you win!"
I can feel my skin rip; my virginity breaking free
I can feel the blood seep down my leg
"Daddy your hurting me please"
I plead to him and his friend; not even a beg
Daddys laughing; why does he laugh?
His friend shoves himself in my mouth and moans
Tieing my hands togather; moving in and out
"Ride me Jessy" He laughs and groans
They smile at one another; laugh to
They roll me over and spread me wide wel
My daddy sits on my face; himself in again
While his friend talks and pushes himself inside
I can hardly breathe; i gag for air
I cough and splutter; cry and weep
I beg and plead; but its no use
Theyve already made me hurt and bleed
I stare into his eyes; that look upon me
This is not my Dad; where is he?
If he was still here; would he care
Would he actually even; see?
Finally they get of and lie me on the sofa
My cheeks blouchy from tears and pain
They play with them selfs; all over me
Rub it in; making me feel the shame
"Why Daddy? Please tell me why?"
Dad looks at his friend; and waves him away
"Jessy i love you" he smiles and kisses my cheek
"Is that all you have in your heart to say?"
He puts my nightie on me
I walks me to my bedroom door
Ever since that night; His friend
And himself every Friday come back for more
"Night sweet Girl; You are my life"
Closing the door, tears still down my face
Still the smell of him and his friend
Fade into me like disgrace
I watch the Moon go down; the sun come up
"Jessy its school" Knocking at my door
I cant help but cry; weep in pain
Because im so scared he wanted more
But one night daddy took it too far
Daddy and his friend came back for one last shot
They were worried they would get caught
So he and his friend took me to a cemetary lot
I was blindfolded and my hands were tied back
"Daddy please!! Not tonight!"
Daddy and his friend both had their last fun
After that i tried to put up a fight
I begged daddy "Please no more!"
All he could say "Shut up you stupid whore!"
Daddy unblindfolded me at last
He said I love you so much
He went back into the car and pulled out a bat
"Daddy I swear I wont say a thing!!!!"
I was dead
After only one swing.....]
[*RAPE IS WRONG*]
*ive been looking 4 this 4 a while..guess wat? i found it!*