you know you're living in 2005 when:
1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave
2) you haven't played solitaire with real cards in years
3) thE reaL reason for not staying in touch with friends is that theydon't have a screen name
4) you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of justpushing to button on the tv
6) your boss doesnt even have the ability to do your job.
7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling
8) as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends
9) and.. you were to busy to notice number 5.
10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5
11) & now you're laughing at your stupidity
ONE WISH
If I could just have one wish
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
The warmth of your lips on my check,
The touch of your fingers on my skin,
And the feel of your heart beating with mine....
Knowing that i could never find that feeling
With anyone other than you
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."
The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."
...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
roflmao
**our daughters are whores and our sons sell death to kids**
CAPRICORN
Sassy.
Intelligent.
Sexy.
Predict future.
Irrestible, awesome kisser.
Great talker.
Always gets what he or she wants.
BY FAR the BEST in BED.
VIRGO
Dominant in relationships.
Sexy.
Always horny.
Freak in bed.
Always wants the last word.
Loud.
Caring.
Smart.
Loves being in long relationships.
Addictive.
Attractive.
SCORPIO
EXTREMELY sexy.
Talkative.
Energetic.
Predict future.
Most erotic.
Freak in bed.
GREAT kisser.
Not one to mess with.
Always get what they want.
Once u get hold on to them.
SAGITTARIUS
Spontanious.
Horny.
High sex appeal.
Rare to find.
Good when found.
Loves being in long relationship
TAURUS
Aggressive.
Freak in bed.
Rare to find.
Loves being in long relationships.
Likes to give a good fight for what they want.
Extremly outgoing.
Outstanding kisser.
Sexual as fuck.
GEMINI
Nice.
Love is one of a kind.
Great listeners
Very Good in bed.
Lover not a fighter, but will still punch your lights out.
Trustworthy
CANCER
Great Kisser.
Very high sex appeal.
Great in bed.
Most horny.
PISCES
Caring.
Smart.
Center of attention.
Too Sexy, DAMN IT.
Very high sex appeal.
Has the last word.
Extremely weird but in a good way.
Super good in bed.
LIBRA
Very gentle.
Very romantic.
Nice.
Love is one of a kind.
Silly and fun, sweet!
Have own unique sexiness.
Most caring person you will ever meet!
Amazing in bed!
AQUARIUS
Trustworthy.
Sexy.
Rare to find.
Loves being in long relationships.
Extremly energetic.
Amazing in bed, the BEST lovers.
ARIES
Outgoing.
Spontanious.
Not one to fuck with.
Have own unique sexiness.
Unpredictable.
Erotic.
Funny.
Addictive....H
Take you on trips to the moon in bed.
FUCKING HOT
LEO
Hated by alot of people
normally ugly
Good at sport
shy.
*..im gemini*
Don't make fun of it, don't destroy it, don't cheapen it...
...that one special thing everyone has.
My love... My dreams... And you.
I won't let those go, no matter what.
On those nights where you can't settle down no matter what you do...
...you feel like throwing it all away.
Don't say a word, just open the door.
I don't have time to quibble with you.
I wanna fly all over the place, I wanna throw caution to the wind!
I haven't lost anything, I haven't even gotten started yet.
Don't make fun of it, don't destroy it, don't cheapen it...
...that one special thing everyone has.
My love... My dreams... And you.
I won't let those go, no matter what.
What is it you want? What you wanna do? Where you wanna go?
Grab what you want and rip through the dark as you run through the night!
* stole this from some random person*
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Him
B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything
B=Beautiful
I=Individual
T=That
C=Causes
H=Hard-on's
**just some more "bitch" ones i dont have..nuthin 2 important**
"Stay true to your path, and you’ll find the light within the deepest darkness."
1) thou shall not sneak out when parents
are sleeping.
(why wait?)
2)thou shall not do drugz
(alcohol last longer)
3)thou shall not steel from k-mart.
(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)
4)thou shall not get arrested for
vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect)
5)thou shall not steel from thy parents.
(every-1 knows grandma has more money)
6)thou shall not get in fights.
(just start them)
7)thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8)thou shall not strip in class.
(hooters pays more)
9)thou shall not think about having sex.
(as nike sayz just do it)
10)thou shall not help old ladies cross
the street.
(just leave them in the middle)
lmao
go to AnTiCoNfOrMiSt ReInS AgAiN its my new wiki..go or perish..
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
Take my life?
Whoa-oh-ohh
With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.
The stars that pierce the sky;
He left them all behind.
We’re left to wonder why
He left us all behind.
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
Take my life?
Whoa-oh-ohh
(ohh)
Dreams of his crash won’t pass
Or how they all adored him.
Beauty will last when spiraled down.
The stars that mystify
He left them all behind.
And how his children cry
He left us all behind.
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
Take my life?
Whoa-oh-ohh
What's the hook, the twist
Within this verbose mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.
That the ghost you love, your ray of light
Will fizzle out without hope.
We're the empty set just floating through, wrapped in skin,
Ever searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the golden ring we never let go,
Who would ever let us put our filthy hands upon it.
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
Take my life?
Whoa-oh-ohh
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,
Take my life?
Whoa-oh-ohh
Go ahead and hate me,
Do you think I care?
You're wrong
It was a trick question
I do care
I love it
When you hate me
When you threaten me
When you hurl abuse
You act like
Like stupid little children
You can't do anything
You are so powerless to stop me
Do you really think
You mean anything to me?
You are nothing
If you die
I won't cry
Probably I won't know
But it's not like
You're real to me anyway
Does that hurt you?
Not really
You should know by now
We are all just as fake
As one another
I'm a fat old pedo
With one hand down my pants
Talking to a schoolgirl with plaits
Who's really just
A pedo with one hand down his pants
We are all pretend
We've got nothing to lose
I'm as much a lie
As you
I'm against cruelty to animals, but, frankly, children are fair game.
happy happy joy joy im ur kinky sex toy, beat me, bite me, make me bleed, kinky sex is all i need
The Fight of Roy and Envy!!
Roy was poised ready to snap his fingers and send flames to engulf his opponent, the ever shifting homunculus Envy, who was preparing for a dodge, followed by jump kicking the over confident colonel. Ed, who was just observing, rolled his eyes at the scene. They'd been fighting pointlessly for the last hour...both sending insults back and forth like preschoolers with knowledge of colorful words.
"Would you both cut it out?" Ed finally interupted.
"NO! I'M NOT DONE YET! I WILL BEAT HER!" Roy hollered back.
"You're going to lose! So just give up." Envy smirked.
"Oh really?"
"Yes...really.
"How's that?"
"Because I haven't used my secret weapon yet." Envy's grin spread wider.
"And what would that be?" Roy inquired.
"I'm a guy, not a chick."
Roy passed out from shock. Envy jumped up and down happily, having won. And Ed...well...Ed decided he was disowning Roy as his colonel and Envy as his enemy.
Morning Schedule of Colonel Roy Mustang
6:00 a.m.: Roll over as alarm goes off.
6:09 a.m.: Smash snooze button on alarm clock.
6:18 a.m.: Throw alarm clock across room.
6:27 a.m.: Get out of bed to retrieve alarm clock, while hitting the snooze button again.
6:36 a.m.: Get out of bed, put on ignition gloves, torch alarm clock, and go back to sleep.
6:40 a.m.: Back to sleep.
6:50 a.m.: Wake up again and see that there is only ten minutes to get ready...Then crawl back into bed to sleep for five more minutes.
6:55 a.m.: Wake up, throw on clothes, straighten out hair, and run out door for work.
6:59 a.m.: Run back in and put pants on, THEN run to work.
7:05 a.m.: Get shot at by grumpy first lieutenant for being late.
Moral of the story: Well...there isn't one...but it sure as hell is funny to watch the Colonel dodge bullets.
Roy's afternoon schedule
12:00 p.m.: Stare at stack of paperwork.
12:10 p.m.: Curse at stack of paperwork.
12:20 p.m.: Decide not to do paperwork until later, when it was due ten minutes ago.
12:30 p.m.: Got shot at by first Lieutenant and get black mailed into doing paperwork.
12:35 p.m.: Hide in the bathroom in order to get out of doing paperwork.
12:40 p.m.: Get pulled out of bathroom by Lieutenant.
12:45 p.m.: Run back into to retrieve pants.
12:50 p.m.: Bang head on desk repeatedly until head goes numb.
12:55 p.m.: Swear to self that the paper work just moved on its own.
1:00 p.m.: Realize level of sanity is decreasing.
1:10 p.m.: Hire someone to forge signature, and run away...very fast...
Moral of the story: Claiming a phobia of paper work would have been much easier...But then again, it's funny to watch Roy go nuts!
Roy's evening schedule
7:00 p.m.: Enters house upon surviving another day of work.
7:10 p.m.: Sits down to relax.
7:11 p.m.: Realizes food is needed.
7:15 p.m.: Pulls out things to cook dinner.
7:20 p.m.: Realizes that both he AND his kitchen are on fire.
7:25 p.m.: Stop. Drop. Roll.
7:45 p.m.: Emerges from charred kitchen and decides food isn't THAT necessary.
8:00 p.m.: Goes to take a shower.
8:10 p.m.: Gets out of shower, takes pants off, then gets back in.
8:20 p.m.: Curses at Ed for replacing shampoo with glue.
8:30 p.m.: Puts clothes on, making a mental note to remember when and when NOT to wear pants...
8:40 p.m.: Answers ringing phone.
8:45 p.m.: Calmly sets phone on table and walks away as Hughes continues to talk.
9:00 p.m.: Goes to sleep.
10:00 p.m.: Rolls over.
11:20 p.m.: Mumbles incoherently about a toaster or something or other.
1:35 a.m.: Gets out of bed, picks up phone, says good bye to Hughes, and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the Story: Well...Nothing
Should have listened to mother
"Colonel?"
"Mmmm...yeah?" Roy answered as he lifted his head off of his desk, with a piece of paper clinging firmly to his face from where he'd drooled all over it.
"Your paperwork is due in a few hours." A concerned Riza mentioned as she resisted the impulsing urge to roll her eyes at the immaturity level of her superior officer.
"I know..." Roy put his head back on the desk, in a way that sounded more like a bang. "But I just doin't want toooo...! I didn't join the military to sign my name 627 times!"
"627?"
"I'm just guess numbers here okay! Fine fine I'll get on it...Damn...St
"You know Colonel, if you'd do your paperwork when you fist got it, then you wouldn't have to worry about having to hurry to get it done to meet your deadline." Riza commented, in a very intellegent, and particularly Riza-like way.
"You just don't understand! These papers are AGAINST ME! YOu didn't see the way they tried to DESTROY me that one time! They're still angry that I didn't die!"
"Did your mother ever mention to you a job that you would be better suited for? Most mothers like to tell their children what they should take up as a career, they're usually right you know. My mother told me I should have been a doctor...I'm starting to think I should have listened to mother..."
"Well...My mother told me I should suffocate myself in a bodybag, then take myself down to a lake and throw myself in it...Then drown myself again...You know...Maybe I should have listened to mom...Then I wouldn't have to worry about paperwork..."
"...Okay...I'm sorry I said anything
(In the last story, Al has his body back and he's in the military as a Lt. Colonel)
You Mean Bastard & Payback is a Bitch with a Bold Capital B and Blond Hair to go with it
"Ed, Ed are you okay?" Al said shaking Ed slightly to wake him out of his fitful dream.
"GAH!" Ed clung to Al as he snapped back to reality. "It was awful!"
"What happened?"
"I had a dream that Winry had a knife and she came up to me and said she wanted my ARM BACK! So she could do freaky experiments on MEEE!"
"OH Ed it's okay, I don't think she would really do that, now go back to sleep." Al soothed.
"Okay..." Ed laid back and rolled over on his side, promptly falling asleep.
Ed turned and opened his eyes slowly, realizing that it was already morning. He sat up and notcied that Al was already gone. He grumbled and got up, shuffling out of the bedroom lazily.
He rubbed his eyes as he saw Winry standing in the kitchen.
"Hi Ed!" She smiled.
"Uh...Hi Winry, what are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd visit you! You to to say hello and..."
"And?"
"I NEED YOUR ARM BACK ED!" She cackled wickedly pulling out a knife.
Ed screamed bloody murder and flew out the door as fast as his short legs would allow him to go.
Al stood up from behind the counter and busted out into a hysterical fit of laughter. "Here, go by that..um...thi
"YAY! Tell Ed I mean him no harm!" She ran out happily.
"Oh man..." He shook his head as Ed wandered back inside with this 'eat shit and die' look on his face. "That was golden Ed!"
"You mean bastard...I hope you drown in a bathtub!" Ed stomped back into their bedroom. 'This means WAR!' He thought to himself.
The next day Al walked, or should we say, dragged himself into his office. He planned on spending at the very least the next four days in that very spot behind his desk. There was NO way he was going home...Not after what Ed did...Oh yes he'd gotten his amusment out of Ed's dream with Winry and the knife, but Ed did quite the number in return.
For instance, Al's eyes STILL burned from the effect of the hot sauce, that Ed had replaced his shampoo with. Yes that was a very RUDE awakening. Not to mention ended with him rolling his face all over the carpet...Naked no less...Oh yes but it DOES get better. That's right Ed borrowed Hughes camera so that he could relive the moment any time he wanted!
Al had quietly crawled back into the bathroom, where he stayed for the rest of the night and most of the morning, crying over the massive wound to his ego.
That is until Ed gently coaxed him out of the bathroom and into the second stage of hell, as Al found himself referring it to.
Yes, Ed was quite conniving when he wanted to be. Put it this way, Al would NEVER look at breakfast in the same light again...Especi
And then Al when off to brush his teeth, which Ed seemed quite prepared for, seeing as how he replaced the toothpaste with mayonaise. Needless to say Al had to run his tongue all over the carpet to make it go away. Yet another opportunity for Ed to capture the moment.
Al then proceeded to lock himself in a closet. Ed was also prepared for this as he left momentarily. He did return though, with a certain person of which, getting people out of closets was a long standing family trait that ran for generations. Yes, that's right, poor Al was subjected to Armstrong's over whelming need to prove his abilities.
Al bolted. He ran straight for the window and treathened to jump if any one came close to him. Of course, in Al's temporary insanity, he forgot that their dorm room window was only three feet off the ground...
Ed practically cackled as Al fell out the window and landed over a bucket of still water, nearly breaking his back AND soaking himself at the same time, not to mention freezing his ass off as it was only 30 degrees out side.
Now was the time he decided to, puting it in his words, run for his fucking life. Oh yes, he high tailed it, not caring that he only had one shoe, no shirt and his pants were barely hanging on. He NEEDED to get away! He ran into his office and shut the door. He didn't turn the light on for fear of giving himself away.
And so he sat at his desk quietly...Real
So they say.
stole this off of sum1 page..it is funny as hell
Disinterpretat
Time itself cannot be bent
Nor for love can tears be lent
But Love can always lend its heart
Though hearts are often torn apart
Broken; bound in disarray
Love becomes a game to play
Into our minds, the nightmares creep
Ending any placid sleep
To wake to screams and bloodshot eyes
Hearing nightime's whispered lies
And cries for help become undone
While staring at the setting sun
Tearing scars within our souls
Watching embers burn to coals
Life seems to be an endless chore
But you, my love, I do adore
Now close your eyes and rest your head
Forget the pain and tears you've shed
Dream of clouds and skies of blue
When morning shines, I'll come to you
--------------
Commemorating Love
The shriveled petals of a dying rose
Are the remnants of our embrace
The thorn pricks slightly at my skin
As your eyes reflect my haunting memories
You left me here, broken and unsorted
It was you that cut me down
You used your heart as a soft poison
How could you leave me like this?
The melody our hearts once sang
Has become the chorus to our fall
Life becomes defined in black and white
I've fallen too many times to fall again for you
I've shattered like glass in a fire for love
I've bled my tears of sorrow in mirrored grace
I denounce this feeling; I'm enslaved by it
Forgive me. I've failed you. I've failed me.
No drug will kill the pain of those fateful words
No angel will free me from this agony
Nothing will erase the echoing words of this travesty
The words you used to say "farewell"
some of my friends poems that i LOVE
A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
LMAO!!
welcome to the nightmare i call life
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence..Nat
Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.
I used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one..
Some people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
If you can read this...I can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Hang up and drive!!
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to America
...now speak English
"Everything around me fades to black
My life slowly slips away
As my heart stops beating and
I lose grip of my sword,
my vision blurrs and
I become a true shadow"
santa goes down this chimneya nd there awaits a girl in a robe
she says " oh santa please wont u stay "
he says ho ho ho gotta go gotta go gotta deliver toys to children u know
that she takes the robe off and she only has a bra and panties on
she says again ..oh santa please wont u stay
and he says hohoho ogtta go gotta go gotta deliver toys to chldren u know
she takes off bra and panties and again says
oh santa please wont u stay
then he says
hey hey hey gotta stay gotta stay cant go up the chimney with my pecker this way ...
lmao