[standingalone]'s diary

87758  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

My white flag is soaring high
i am giving in
hold my flag in the red sky
plant my feel in the bloody soil
thrust my sword into the dirt
leave me lying here
i cant handle the hurt
i cant feel
let the vines curl around my body
the moss grow around my feet
cover my eyes so i no longer see
i want to be blind from all the hate
take my heart from in my breast
bury it in the dirt
lay my soul down to rest
i surrender
i am no hero
i am no one
i hate this world so
take me away

87757  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

Seems as if my moon has fallen from the sky.
The stars no longer look as high.
The fish no longer swim in my ocean.
My rivers have no motion.
Grass no longer grows upon my hill.
The leafs on my tree don't blow they stand still.
The birds no longer sing, they cry.
My angel's wings seem to be broken for she can no longer fly.
My love has been broken.
Everything has been taken.
My day could be night I'm not to sure.
My life is just one big blur.
The thing is i don't care all this has happened.
I don't think my heart could mend.
Don't shine for me moon.
stars fall from the sky, there was not enough room.
The fish can go belly up.
I don't care that the river us as still as water in a cup.
I hope the grass dies and the roses too.
I want the birds to fall down.
I want my angel to hit the ground.
If these words just pass you by.
I will put it in simple words.
I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!
 

87756  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

Today i am fine with out you
i have started a life that is new
i no longer drink anymore
no longer do i knock on heavens door
no longer do i see crimson red
i cant even think of the evil things you said
i feel no pain, no empty heart
i have created a great new start
i don't think of you every day
i don't wish you never went away
look at me i am doing great
there is nothing in this world that i hate
i no longer cry alone at night
even though i know there is a girl out there your holding tight
i get through the day without a doubt
to god i no longer shout
i don't miss you
your just something i knew
i can get out of bed
i don't wish i was dead
if i say these words and thats all i do
then maybe one day it will come true

87755  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

A girl who has everything
a house she can call a home
a flawless future
but still feels so alone
the perfect boyfriend
always by her side
calls her beautiful and tells her she is loved
shows her off with great pride
finally happiness...so it seems
a girl can have everything and nothing
every one can love her
yet it seems happiness no one can bring
i will cry on the inside never out
i need nothing more
only silent tears, and a bright smile
loneliness is something i can always ignore

87754  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I dint really know how to explain
what i am
i am nothing to them
i don't fit in
i am crying within
i am trying
but i am slowly perishing
at night i weep
to myself i keep
we were born to over come
my god what have i done
my pictures have disappeared
as if i am what they've feared
i drop to my knees and cry
while everyone passes by
i feel as if i don't have a heart
but i know it's there cause it falls apart
it's as if it's hard to love me
as if they want everything i can't be
it cut Me skin clean
i then lost hopes and dreams and
everything in between
I'm never enough
or maybe your just to tough

87753  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I wait by the ocean
and spill out all my emotions
the waves roll in
the sea salt wind touches my skin
a close my eyes and a tear falls
living without you is living in thrall
I miss you
but to speak your name would make me untrue
I hear your voice within me
can you hear my silent plea
I want the sea to take me away
I wish for death everyday
all I feel is betrayal held back by a brick wall
I know youre everything that went wrong
your every sad song
even after all everything you put me through still I find myself waiting for you
 

87752  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I listen to the radio songs
all the preaches of their wrongs
heart aches and heart breaks
over stupid little mistakes
and everything they lack
nothing they can take back
minds torn apart
from feelings of the heart
the feelings of loss
and the paths they must cross
i finally know how they feel
this pain just wont heal
tears turn into a stream
whimpers into a scream
faith in to hate
death is what we await
self destruction
thoughts turn into action
the radio does not lie
the songs are my way of good-bye
death doesn't feel so cruel
for love was only brutal

87751  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

For all the times i have been down---- nothing compares to what i see when i look around-----it hurts so much i don't know what to do-----you're still there, but you do't understand, i need you---- i cant breath
i just want death
I'm drowning in a river of tears
and still nothing appears
i cant sleep i cant eat
all because you think i would cheat
you can't look into my eyes
i have become everything you despise
you hesitate to hold me
you wish to let me free
I LOVE YOU!!!
i really do
i didn't do it
there's nothing to admit

87750  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

Hopes and dreams may slip away
a summers day will never stay
tears will be shown
i will always feel alone
at times i will feel so depressed
i will want to put myself at rest
things will always go wrong
but life will go on
my heart has been broken
i have shown a fake grin
i have tried to end it all
but at the end of a great fall
the sun does shine
everything looks fine
my heart heals
and i start to feel
no matter how hard things seem
no matter where I've been
i know one day
everything will be OK
 

87749  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I'm lost and alone
no place to call home
I'm so afraid
so scared to fade
I've never needed a friend like i do now
so torn and i don't know how
you walked away
left me with nothing to say
hopes and dreams are broken
my heart is black and lonesome
i lost everything that exists
did anyone even notice
I've never needed a friend like do now
so torn and i don't know how
you walked away
left me with nothing to say
what did i do wrong?
i was never strong
I'll hide everything that bothers me
so things will go back to what it use to be
because i never needed a friend like i do now

87748  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

A brave girl never cried
she smiled like there was nothing to hide
she followed her dreams
never ripping at the seams
a brave girl brightened everyones day
on a dark night in may
she was no where to be found
for they laid everything she believed in the ground
a smile did shine but it was fake
she seemed fine but her heart did break
never would this brave girl admit
that the pain had hit
silently crying in her room
quietly praying it would be over soon
a brave girl could not break down
so she would fall apart when no one was around
her mother held her tight
and whispered don't give up the fight
tears ran down a brave face
no longer did she feel disgrace
her heart did ache
her soul did break
"i know i let you down"
she whispered with a frown
"i don't want to cry
i don't want to say good-bye."
a brave girl looked at her mother so unprepared
she said for the first time in her life
"I'm scared."

87747  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

We found her note
And this is what she wrote
"I'm sorry
Everything was so scary
I woke up today
Everything was dark and Grey
You didn't do anything wrong
I just wasn't strong
I'm sorry for the mess
I'm sorry if i make any distress
Sorry it had to end like this
I just couldn't exists."
The day we laid her in the ground
Loneliness is what we found
I dint understand how she felt so alone
If i had only known
So young to be lost
Her youth just tossed
Hear the words that i have to say
My note will be writing one day
One day i will join you
and the world would have lost two

87746  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I will stand out
While you stand down
I'll shout out
while you conform
I'll stand tall
As you stand back
I'll watch you fall
as I stand still
I'll break all the rules
As you bow down
your everybody's fool
But in the end
I envy you

87745  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

Love yourself for who you are
and you will get far
eat something and forgive yourself
beauty is not as important as health
beauty is whats on the inside
thats something you cant hide
i know you feel guilty
eating makes you feel filthy
you can make it through this
theres so much that you will miss
being sick and feeling faint
you shouldn't be in this state
if only you saw what the world sees
then maybe it would give you a little ease
i know its tough
and you don't feel like your enough
if someone helped her
she would get better

87744  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

A tear will silently roll down my face
wiped away with out a trace
i have fallen so far
I'm afraid to scar
darkness may fade away
but nothing perfect can stay
dreams come true
but to hard to pursue
my silent tear will not be shown
ill show others i have grown
act like my fall never hurt
i will have to convert
act like dreams don't end
then maybe a heart will mend

87743  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

I know you`ll be gone a short while
but ill have to struggle to smile
to the sun we can run away
in its rays we could stay
playing on Aryans belt
telling each other how we felt
slide along the milky way
on the big dipper we could sway
but when dreams come to an end
all i can do is think of the nights we did spend
i will call out your name in the night
wake up and realize your out of sight
hold my hands out to a ghost
missing your touch the most
ill wait for you on my own
please don't hesitate to come home

87742  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)

You all look at me and say
girl you have been blessed
but you all cant see inside of my unhappiness
you cant see how many words were wasted
you cant see how many tears were tasted
you cant see the pain
you cant see the shame
you can keep on looking
and see what you want
but all the tears words and pain
will be an never ending taunt

87741  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-20
Written: (6528 days ago)
Next in thread: 87763

Mirror mirror show me what i wanna see
Show me everything i could be
Make me thinner make me taller
Change my skin to a darker color
Transform me into everything I'm not
make me beautiful for my creator forgot
Dip me in the river of song
hang me in the starts to be strong
Mirror mirror do your best
Make me feel as if I'm blest
Make my dreams come true
Change everyones harsh view
Mirror mirror make people love me
Listen to me and here my plea
make me famous
Make me glorious
Mirror mirror destroy everything that i am
And make me just like them!!!

87566  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-11-18
Written: (6531 days ago)

I'm weak but I'm still trying
the day is hard but I'm not crying
don't give up on me
i need you cant you see
I work harder and harder every day
i need you to say everything will be OK
i wanna know that i am loved
i need to hold you, to be hugged
one day i will be fine
just give me time
don't leave me yet
theres not one day i don't regret
i may look dead
i lost all faith and Hung my head
I'm weak but I'm still trying
the day is hard but I'm not crying
but please don't give up on me
i want to be free
don't give up on me

87565  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-11-18
Written: (6531 days ago)

A beautiful soul lost
a broken body tossed
a person unreached
a heart that preached
the tears were never seen
the tipical teen
I'm so scared
I'm so unprepared
i don't know if i wanna let go
but i don't want to die slow
i didn't make it passed 16
this world was cruel and mean
i die alone
my reasons unknown
i hate to much
destroyed everything i touched

87564  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-11-18
Written: (6531 days ago)

These are my final words
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of being scared
tired of slowly dieing
i now Say good-bye to the ones i love
Even if they didn't love me back
i saw sorry For taking my life
its something i couldn't hack
i slit my wrists
and watch the blood flow
i will feel the sting
and my pain will start to show
i loved lots
but no one loved me in return
many have died in the world
now its my turn
please forgive me for being born
i know you didn't want me
I'm not what you expected
theres nothing left to be
left alone now
everything is done
carved in to my arm 2 words
you won

 The logged in version 

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